Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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