Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
