He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
