Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
