Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
