He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
