shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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