i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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