whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
