omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
