i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize