I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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