I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
