i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
