I feel great
I just peed on a car
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize