I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Quick, to the slutcave!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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