Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
