Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
