I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
