the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
