i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
