there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
cat food counts as protein by the way
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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