In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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