I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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