the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
