Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
