i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
