Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize