I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
