do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
