I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize