Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
