Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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