i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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