I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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