Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you had me at cake vodka
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
