so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
