Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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