I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
