a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
