And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
