While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
