distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
