I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
