Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
