you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
