he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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