You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
