hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
