hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
