What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
