Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize