i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
