I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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