I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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