he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm at about main and main street
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
