1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
