sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
