During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
