the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
