So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
